Have you ever felt like you need to get your client an aha moment, ensure they have a transformation or lead them to a specific outcome?
These are some of the pressures I heard new coaches putting on themselves this week.
One coach said, "Clients are paying for transformation, so I have to make it happen for them." And she felt like if she didn't provide this then the client would wonder, "what does this coach think she's doing?"
We place a lot of our value in the outcomes we think can guarantee or bring clients.
But guaranteeing results is not the coach approach. And I've heard it said that we should be wary of coaches who make these types of promises.
Yes absolutely coaching creates a unique and empowered relationship for change, but it's not the coach promising or guaranteeing the change.
It's the relationship that does these things.
Let me explain.
In coaching there's the coach, the client and the relationship. The coach and client both have responsibilities as co-creators, collaborators and partners.
The client owns the content. The coach owns the process.
Both the coach and the client grant power to the relationship. But the client does not grant power to the coach.
In this model all the power of the relationship exists to serve the client. Because of the trust and balance of power between the coach and client, the client becomes empowered to take charge of their lives, choices and decisions.
As the coach, we shift from being the expert, authority, consultant or mentor that has to "get" the client results. We switch from thinking "I am powerful" to "the coaching relationship is powerful."
Remember, no one individual can be responsible for the actions of another.
Powerful coaching is not about how powerful the coach is, it is about the empowerment the the client experiences from the relationship.
Check out this Facebook live I recorded on the coaching relationship and how to build trust.
When we start to see the coaching relationship in this way we can let go of the pressure to guarantee results. And as we shift our mindset we can begin to embrace the concept of being "lovingly detached to the outcomes."
We love our clients, we want them to achieve and succeed. We hold that they are naturally creative resourceful and whole. We believe they have the answers inside of them. We hold that they have the strengths, qualities, abilities to make change. And they are responsible for the outcomes. Not us the coach.
From this perspective we can become less attached to the outcomes. Because coaching is about learning and growth. It's a process of self-exploration. So as long as the client is learning growing they are achieving.
I hope this perspective helps to alleviate some of the pressure you might be putting on yourself to take responsibility and guarantee results or outcomes.
Over to you. Do you feel responsible for your clients outcomes? What have you done to shift this mindset?
Yours in being lovingly detached.